My Quest For Divinity

Who is God? An illusion? A fragment of imagination? An element? A “He” or a “She”? Or an “It”? A human being’s quest for divinity probably dates back to the specie’s very existence. I looked for God all over for years- in prayers, temples, churches, mosques and gurudwaras. Just when I was beginning to border on atheism, I saw “Him” basking in the sun with the walruses. God was all around when I stood on the deck of a ship in the midst of an endless ocean and when I trecked through the mountain air impregnated with the fresh fragrance of pine. What could be more divine than a dark, juicy chocolate pastry or a plate of fiery chaat?

The Worst Gift Ever...

If someone were to ask me “What is the worst gift that you have ever received?”, I would have to say “Flowers”. Ironically, bouquets are what most of us receive on most occasions. Yeah, so the thought does count but the idea of gifting a dead (or dying) thing to a loved one is purely beyond me – as are damsels who squeal with delight when their beau turns up at the door hiding behind a bunch of decomposing blooms. Why not gift a chicken head instead? All right, so it may not be as “nice smelling” as a bouquet but how nice do bouquets smell anyway. Orchids impregnated with blue dye, genetically messed up lilies, bland roses – how pretentious can you get? I would rather appreciate a potted cactus over a pretty flower plucked away from its umbilical cord only to be smothered under a humid, noisy plastic sheet.
What’s more, we even offer decaying stuff to our Gods! I can’t help but sigh when people turn up at my door with bright smiles and limp flowers. The best (and appropriate) option is to accept them graciously and feed them to a hungry herbivore. Most cows and goats are happy to snack on bloomers. However, inked orchids must go straight to the bin if you don’t want to poison an unassuming animal.
I would dump a boyfriend (even a husband) if he ever tried to surprise me with a bouquet. As a matter of fact, my husband made it to the altar because he never gifted me flowers.

Things To Do Before I Die....

I opened my eyes this morning and realized that I had no set goals in life (well it was all that dramatic). Of course I have short-term goals like finish the editing work on an academic book, get a new pair of jeans, meet deadlines, feed my tortoises, water the plants etc. But come to think of it, where do I see myself say, 50 years from now (not in heaven I hope!). There is so much to be done and life is so short- time is slipping away with every passing second. I gotta make a list before Alzheimer takes over me (I include a lot of curcumin in my diet by the way, but why take chances!). Here goes nothing....(in no particular order)

1. Color my hair purple (check)
2. Get dreadlocks...keep them for a while and then shave off my head
3. Get a tattoo on a bald head

Before you pass judgmental comments about me being obsessed with my hair, let me tell you that I'm just moving in an up-to-down order.And no...There's a lot more to me than haircolor and hairstyles, as you shall soon realize.

4. Get a Phd degree in Linguistics (see, I told you)
5. NOT have kids (fail)
6. Get a galloping horse tattooed on my ankle (there I go again)
7. Get an award - for anything (check).
8. Keep a pet hamster, a pig, a chimpanzee and an army of dogs
9. Spend my senile days in a tranquil treehouse and not in a boring flat/colony.
10. Backpack through South America
11. Drive down through South East Asia from India.
12. Learn Kathak.....professionally
13. Set up an animal shelter
14. Work as a wildlife conservationist for a while
15. Get my book published before I turn 30 (*panics*)
16. Learn to solve simple math problems (check)
17. Backpack through Australia and New Zealand
18. Travel to every corner of India
19. Dance in a Bollywood movie...you know, one of those "extras"
20. Buy a house (an eco-friendly cottage by a lake or some water body, preferably with a green belt around it) Tall order?
21. Loose 10 kgs from my bum (sigh!)
22. Bungee jump, para glide, snorkel and the works
23. Learn to handle poisonous snakes (A know of a guy in Rajasthan who can help me with this)
24. Learn some form of martial arts
25. Never work in a 9-5 job and NEVER work "under" somebody (check)
26. Write a memoir based on the life of an army wife (i need to give this a lot more time....and thought)
27. Spend a few days alone, disconnected from the world. Preferably forever.
28. Live like a hippie (that's actually the broader aim)
29. Do a PG in Journalism (drop)
30.Publish a volume of poetry (not keen anymore).
31. Swim with sharks and/or dolphins (preferably dolphins...for obvious reasons) - check. Sharks it was!
32. Bathe with buffaloes in a dirty, mucky pond...i feel so jealous when I see them going at it alone.
33. Grow my nails atleast once and use nail paint (its tougher than you think)
34. Get myself a digital SLR camera (check)
35. Spend all my earning (and Rishabh's too) in traveling.
36. Fuck all conventions, stereotypes, protocols, rules and everything that takes the life out of LIFE.
37. Never let go of family and friends who matter.
38. Plant atleast 1000 trees in my lifetime (I'm not counting...)(check)
39. Donate all my organs (check..)
40. Take workshops for writers
41. Bully a kid when it's mom is not looking....till it bawls for help (check....many times over ;))
42. See my name in a byline (check)
43. Do something really, really controversial.
44. Make my own wine (check)
45. Learn a bit of HTML...just enough to be able to manage my website independently.
46. Spend a few months living with tribals in Africa and soak in their culture.
47. Become a wandering spirit after I'm dead and haunt a beach (castles are passe)
48. Achieve nirvana (after the haunting of course)
49. Find out who I was in my past life.
50. Have an encounter with a ghost/supernatural something. (check. sorry I asked for it...wasn't pleasant at all)
That's all I can think of for now...I'll add more later. (Sorry for going overboard with parenthetical remark - can't help it coz I totally love them. The bracket closes here..)

Until Next Time...

Suicidal Comments by Indian Politicians

"True colors always shine out in moments of acute crisis" and our politicians have just proved the credibility of the statement in more ways that one. Their suicidal statements ( which can or rather, SHOULD put an end to their career) have only served to fuel the fire within every Indian. A few examples:

R.R.Patil: "Itna Bada Shehar Hai...ek-aad haadsa to ho hi jaata hai. They planned to kill 5000 people. We have minimized the damage to a large extent". he then goes on to resign on "moral grounds" (read: the resignation was shuved up his @$$)

Vilas Rao Deshmukh: Tags along son Ritesh Deshmukh and film maker Ram Gopal Verma for a guided tour to the Taj Mahal Hotel and then claims: "I offered to resign" (Sure darling, we believe you).

V.S. Achutanandan (sorry for being crass, but the first four alphabets of his surname pretty much sum up what he's all about): "Not even a dog would have entered his (Maj.Unnikrishnan's) house" on being turned back by the martyr's father.( He owes an apology to Indian canines and Indians in general).

Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi: "Just because a few people with lipstick and powder on their faces or suits and ties come out on the road to protest against politicians, doesn't mean that they are the voice of India." (is he jealous of people who are better dressed than him?)

Thats sadly the face of Indian politics- sloppy, callous, stinking and shameful. Judging by their attitude, it is pretty evident that their concerns are exclusively channeled towards the public outrage against politicians. The country and the people still don't feature on their list of priorities. And these are the guys who India chose to elect.

Can we have young, dynamic, educated and hot-blooded leaders instead of these invalid, impotent bastards? These guys can't speak for nuts even if their lives depended on it. The Pak Foreign Minister carried himself with great dignity and spontaneity (whether he meant all of that is another debatable issue) while our chaps fumbled, stumbled and stammered on national television. Where are we heading?

The Power of Voting and Un-Voting

A few minutes ago, I received a forwarded mail about the public's power to "un-vote" a political party. I am not sure how far this idea will go in bringing about the much needed political and social revolution, I would still like to quote the mail here so that people other than those on my immediate contact list get to read it too. Here goes:

"Kindly re-think before you vote this time, do our politicians really give us good and secured life, if you feel not then kindly forward
this mail to all you feel can join the campaign not to vote corrupt
politicians. ITS THE TIME NOW....

http://lawmin.nic.in/ld/subord/cer1.htm

Read about the Section 49-O over to that link. Thats a government link.

as far as that link says, here is the theme of it.
Did you know that there is a system in our constitution, as per the
1969 act, in section "49-O" that a person can go to the polling booth,
confirm his identity, get his finger marked and convey the presiding
election officer that he doesn't want to vote anyone!

Yes such a feature is available, but obviously these seemingly
notorious leaders have never disclosed it. This is called "49-O".

Why should you go and say "I VOTE NOBODY"... because, in a ward, if a
candidate wins, say by 123 votes, and that particular ward has
received "49-O" votes more than 123, then that polling will be
canceled and will have to be re-polled. Not only that, but the
candidature of the contestants will be removed and they cannot contest
the re-polling, since people had already expressed their decision on
them. This would bring fear into parties and hence look for genuine
candidates for their parties for election. This would change the way,
of our whole political system... it is seemingly surprising why the
election commission has not revealed such a feature to the public....

Please spread this news to as many as you know... Seems to be a
wonderful weapon against corrupt parties in India... show your power,
expressing your desire not to vote for anybody, is even more powerful
than voting... so don't miss your chance. So either vote, or vote not
to vote (vote 49-O) and pass this info on...

The people of India , can really use this power to save our nation.
Use your voting right for a better INDIA."

Mumbai Terror Attacks: Media and The People

The Mumbai carnage is nearing a catharsis but I'm still feeling sick in the stomach. The security forces have done the country proud but it would probably not be accurate to say that we have "won" in the true sense. The immense loss of life and property has left every Indian citizen emotionally scarred, skeptic and enraged- that pretty much serves the purpose of a terrorist attack. I can visualize terror honchos munching popcorn in front of their television sets and laughing their asses off at our helplessness and panic. Our "breaking news" thirsty attitude only serves to entertain them further.

The Indian media may have done a great job at covering and reporting the incidents but like many other media critics, I too feel that that should have exercised more restraint. I mean, what's with the footage of commandos landing from helicopters on rooftops on national television and the step-by-step operational and strategic details of the security forces being leaked out at the most sensitive hour? Might as well call up the wrong-doers and tell them "Ok guys, here's how we are going to attack you. Plan accordingly". These are not your typical filmy militant in pathan-suit who is unshaven, illiterate and supposedly misguided- these are educated young men in Versace tees and blackberries who very well know what they are up to!These are guys who shop with us in malls, spend their weekends in pubs like we do and are as tech savvy (if not more) as we are. If they can plan their attacks months in advance, is'nt it a given that they would have established a fool-proof communication network as well? With the kind of options that technology offers today, it hardly helps to cut out the cable networks. However, the media realized this but not before complicating the situation by a few degrees.

I really admire journos like Barkha Dutt but her insensitive questions to rescued victims like "What do you feel about the whole situation" really put me off and then she went yak-yak about nothing in a voice that compelled me to switch channels. The guy was held hostage for over 48 hours for heaven's sake. Give him a break! Further. when they run out of fresh "breaking news", they rope in stupid celebs with their inconsequential opinions to fill up the airtime. If men in uniform can sacrifice all they have, channels can surely afford to sacrifice their TRP's.

Indian journos are one of the most powerful forces in the country- they got to act more responsibly and maturely. After all, in times like these, they are the only ones who can keep the country held together. They are the ones who can spark up a revolution and bring about change. They are the ones who can effectively deliver a message and make India more aware. Get over the sensational and scandalous stuff guys, and get down to business! Isn't that what real journalism is all about? Don't just entertain, inspire! I quite liked the Arnav/Arnab Goswami abstained from dramatizing the incidents and got some relavent perspectives from international authorities but one wishes he would do away with his habit of butting in and allow the guests to speak. He was right in saying that gory details of the carnage only add to the panic and negative emotions among citizens.

Moreover, I fail to understand what people mean when they "condemn" the act of terrorism. Dude, do you have a choice? Politicians and authorities using weak words like "action will be taken", "condemnation", "investigations are still on" etc do nothing to assure the average citizen. Terrorists are not ordinary thieves or murderers- they are global pests and they should be treated like one would treat a plague epidemic. There's absolutely no room for mercy or prolonged trials!

The nightmare might be over but it should not be left behind. India should not "move on" but fight back with a vengeance. We have moved on for too long now- its time to kick some serious ass and strike before our blood cools down and we return back to a mundane existence. This is not the first time that our economy, democracy, heritage and people have been threatened. I sincerely hope that the people join hands to take "India Burning" to "India Shining" once again. Kudos to the NSG jawan who said "Nothing is too difficult for us"- the rest of the country should take it from here.

Terrorists Can Be Put to Good Use.....I'm Serious!

Terror strikes Mumbai and my blood is boiling again. Why do we let these bastards do this to our country? They say every human being is born with a purpose and has a role in the universe. What purpose are these terrorists born for? Well, I'm sure they can be put to good use and contribute positively to the global society.

Here's how the government can work towards rehabilitating and integrating anti-national elements into the society:

They can be painted in bright colors and made into dartboards- this will save trees and kids can have more fun targeting a live, moving object.

They can be put up in fairs in place of balloons and people can shoot them(with real guns of course to win soaps/combs/teddy bears. A bonus prize for anyone who manages to aim between the eyes.

They could be a good source of fresh, healthy and functional organs for the millions of suffering patients.

Post organ-extraction, their bodies could be shoved into a grinder and made into mulch for the manufacture of organic manure and fed to the plants.

They can be employed by the military to train soldiers in shooting and combat operations - it is no fun shooting and kicking an inanimate sandbag.

During bird flu and anthrax epidemics, they could be used to feed zoo animals (or even as a treat for behaving nicely).

They could be tranquilized and used as a temporary pavement when Mumbai roads are flooded and pedestrians have no place to walk.


See, the bastards are not a waste of space after all!

The Difference Between Art and Science

At a painful party the other day ( it was vaguely 2 am, I guess), someone popped a random question at the dinner table- "What is the difference between Art and Science"? The "asker" was an honorable senior officer of the Indian Army and the "askees" were a group of chattering young ladies. He did get some pretty interesting replies like "Arts is more like History, Political Science, Literature etc. while Science has Physics, Chemistry, Biology and Maths" (duh!). My supposedly "intellectual" take on the subject did not go all waste (despite my punch drunk state and slurred speech)- I can safely vouch for that because the answer sparked off an animated discussion which ultimately turned out to be the highlight of the painful party (at least for me).

Contrary to popular belief, a couple of drinks can really jump-start dormant gray cells ( that doze off all over again once the hangover wears out).Here goes my alcohol-induced philosophy:

"Science is an acknowledgment of the known and expansion of physicality while Art is an interpretation of existence and expansion of the soul- beyond the apparent and the obvious". ( Ok, now don't you stare at me like that and DON'T even ask me where on earth did that come from). And yes, its original- in case you are wondering.

Significance of The Phoenix Tattoo

Ever since I got a Phoenix tattooed on my back, people have been asking me- Why a Phoenix? I mean, its not a common, fashionable motif - like say, a butterfly, stars or Chinese and tribal symbols. Not surprisingly, I had a tough time finding one that effectively represented my being. After two long years of wait ( I just couldn't find an artist who understood my requirement), I finally got it done from Al's Tattoo and Body Piercing Studio in Bandra, Mumbai.

For those who may be unaware, the Phoenix is a mythological bird that burns itself and emerges all over again from its own ashes.
The Phoenix has varied references in Arabian, Greek, Roman, and Oriental mythology. Some believe it to represent the sun- bursting into flames at sunset and being reborn at the crack of dawn. It also symbolizes rebirth and re-incarnation ( or life's victory over death- whichever way you prefer to put it). The Phoenix is also believed self-cremate itself in a nest of exotic and aromatic herbs when it is injured, tired or weak. In Oriental mythology, this bird with a dazzling plumage represents balance (yin and yang) and harmony.

To me however, the Phoenix means a lot more than a mythological creature. I identify with many aspects of the Phoenix and use the motif as a representation of my soul.

- The "emerging" Phoenix (as opposed to the burning one) symbolizes strength and invincibility in the face of adversity. It will constantly remind me to battle all odds and emerge victorious.

- The burning and resurrection of the Phoenix teaches me to erase everything that is unpleasant from my memory and begin each day as a fresh, new life with all its sparkle and splendor.

- The Phoenix is an unconventional creature- it does not adhere to the laws of life and death. In a way, it mirrors the overpowering rebellious streak in me and gives me the strength to go "against the flow" and live life on my terms.

- Of course, anything that symbolizes me has to have wings that stand for freedom, adventure, independence and a footloose character.

- The bright colors of the feathers represent positivity, optimism and a love for natural beauty.

I will add more to this as I connect other threads of my existence to the Phoenix.

Crows in The City That Never Sleeps...

The Mumbai fever seems to have caught on with the city's crows as well. Nowhere else in India have I seen crows cawing away through the night and even scourging for food when they should be ideally tucked away in their tacky nests. Sure enough, competition is fierce and only the fittest will survive- which is probably why these Mumbai birds are up and about at night while their small-town counterparts hit the bed in rest of the country. I wonder if they work in shifts...

The other day during a late-night drive through the city, I was rather taken to find these irksome birds having a noisy party by the garbage can at two in the morning- a ridiculous hour for most city-dwelling birdies. They reminded me of crows in Udhampur who returned religiously to their arboreal abodes as soon as the sun descended down the horizon. Have birds in bustling metros adopted the same fast-paced lifestyle and evolved themselves accordingly or is it just my imagination? For all I know, crows are not nocturnal by nature.